One glances through one's collected newspaper writings and realizes that one or two or fifty pieces still have relevance, even after, say, 29 years, which, according to a recent survey, is damn near half one's Biblical allotment. If I can ever paste this three-decades-old column, which I scanned to PDF, thence to Word, I will be a happy and astonished man. Town Hall is not an easy site to negotiate when one's a non-techie.
    Since it was written "enterprise" style (no pay), and since I secured my then-editor's permission to reprint and recopyright, seeing it on Town Hall site would be a pleasure. I have later works, as well.

    [Import/export failed, as did copy/paste, so we type.  This appeared on the editorial page of a daily -- with a professionally retouched half-column ident -- photo -- of yours truly]

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    During the eight-or-so years of the American Revolution, George III reigned at Buckingham Palace and Lord North was England's Prime Minister. This transcript of a heretofore-missing 18-minute segment of one of their tape-recorded conversations (pre-Nixon, of course) would seem to indicate that the King and his PM were a couple of cunning capitulators.
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    NORTH: Cornwallis is surrounded at Yorktown, sire, but not to worry. We will turn this war to our advantage if you order him to surrender his sword to the Americans.
    KING:    Ja, iss a gut idea. I neffer liked the vay he held a sword, anyvay, like a girl  mit one pinky sticking out yet. But vy do ve surrender? I t'ought ve Englishmen liked to vin...win.
    NORTH: Ve...we do, sire, but our pollsters have returned from the colonies with some surprising news. My take on the data is if we give the Yankees about two hundred and fifty years to accumulate assets -- all those beavers and all that lumber and all that coal, gracious -- we'll inherit those assets and more when they demand readmittance to our self-serving colonial structure...er, commonwealth. 
    KING:     You zeem pretty zure of yourzelf, Lordy.
    NORTH: Monarchy, you won't believe this, but they plan to adopt our legal system -- and I mean word-for-word.
    KING:     Zo vot? Everybody steals jokes.
    NORTH: But they simply don't see the humor in our system. They think we of the upper classes were serious when we asked Judge Blackstone to compile a book of our laws. We didn't need a book.
    KING:    You gotta be kiddin'! Didn't dey know he vas alzo vun of our best stand-up comedians?? Mein Gott! I ain't got all my marbles and I understand Limey humor.
    NORTH: Our poll-takers assure us Americans are unable to grasp either the legal or political situations here in Blighty, our history of game-playing. Saying one thing while meaning something else is quite amusing, but in the end our wrong-doers go to jail and our murderers are hanged.
    KING:     You said it!. Vot could ve the people vatch if nobody got hanged? But I zee vot you zay. Zo Americanische cops catch a guy committing a crime, like red-handed, dey put him in jail und later dey bring him into court vere lawyers say, mit a straight face und zeriously, dot dey presume he's innocent? You couldn't convict a sultan of polygamy dot vay. Dat's funny! Ho-ho!
    NORTH:  And...and that jury system you and I and Judge Blackstone have had so many laughs about? Yankees love that nonsense...love it! Twelve people who know absolutely nothing about the law but who must make decisions based on nothing but legal  truth...
    KING:     ...vich has practically nuttin' to do wit' vot really happens. Vot a bunch of nutsy nuts...
    NORTH: And they truly adore our adversary system...you know, where our barristers play legal games with their clients' lives in court, play like little boys arguing in the schoolyard, each trying to win by proving himself the superior debater.
    KING:     (NOW CHOKING WITH LAUGHTER) Dot's as crazy as I am!! Und...und dey vouldn't allow most evidence to be heard, even by der stupid jury people. Und dey make der vitnesses answer only "yes" or "no" to tricky qvestions! Ho-ho-ho...har-har-har...
    NORTH:  You're right! I forgot about the "yes-no" thing. Yes, last week one of our prosecutors forced a chap to admit he was one of the Romans who stabbed Julius Caesar. Poor Welshman had to say "yes," else he'd be convicted of treason and his head would be chopped off.
    KING:     (THIGH-SLAP SOUND) Ho-ho-ho! My zides hurt from laughin'. I bet...I bet  dey even t'ink people vill tell the truth because on a Bible dey swear dey vill...ho-ho-ho-ho...
    NORTH:  Hee-hee, hee-hee...now you have me giggling. But...but listen to this: They have gone absolutely bonkers about the prospect of giving fair trials to habitual criminals and serial killers!! 
    KING:     (SOUND OF THRONE-ARM BEING POUNDED) Ach du LIEBER!! Are dey so dumb dey do not realize ve meant "not too bad" or "not all that bad" ven ve said "fair" trials? 
    NORTH:  Hee-hee, hee-hee, hee-hee! You see?? They'll have to write a law to cover every situation, every tiny infraction, and write laws to cover exceptions to those laws for the people with money. They'll wind up with three-billion laws and statutes -- our polltakers say four billion -- and in some two-hundred and fifty years, they'll give up trying to govern and come running, hats in hand, to one of your future relatives, hee-hee...   
    KING:     (WEAK WITH LAUHTER) Den...oh, no. Dey WOULDN'T write a constituion....No, not that....
    NORTH: Hee-hee-hee...SIRE!  That's what those liberal Whigs want...don't be cruel...hee-hee...With a constitution they'll be here in a hundred years...a CONSTITUTION?? You're awful...hee-hee-hee.... 
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    The final 12 minutes of the recording were impossible to transcribe because of loud, overriding sounds of laughter, thigh-slapping, throne-pounding, etc., etc. And if you think I exaggerate, please remember the immortal line: "...if da glove don' fit, yo' mus' acquit."